Beyond Insanity
by One with the Purple Eyes
Summary: Poor and innocent, a young boy, Beyond Birthday, wants nothing more than to be just like L. But will this grow into an obsession too dangerous for BB himself to control? What happens when you want to be someone so bad, you'd cross any line you could...?
1. Meeting L

**Hi, my name is Lyri. This is my first fanfic up here, though not the first I've written. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DEATH NOTE or any of the characters.**

Beyond was enthralled. For the first time in his life, he was seeing L. The actual L. The real L that he was supposed to one day become. After all, at Wammy House, he was known as B…backup. Though he had trained in many ways to be like L. Mastering all forms of math, history, and science. Mastering things most eleven year olds wouldn't even dream of learning. But finally, at last, he was meeting the mastermind he was meant to replace. L. The greatest detective in the world.

Beyond's first thoughts, aside from pure awe and disbelief, were 'he has black hair just like me'. Beyond wanted to be L, so this was a logical first thought. Beyond took in L. The whole physical being of L, studying everything from his pale skin, to his dark ringed eyes, to his unusual posture. Without even realizing it, Beyond began to slouch like L, and his gaze moved upward as his body was lowered slightly.

"Hello. I am L."

Beyond shivered. He couldn't find words. All he could do was copy. "Hello. I am L." Beyond instinctively blushed. "I mean…B," he said. He felt lame.

L examined his backup thoroughly. Rather tall for an eleven-year-old. Strange eye color. Black hair in a similar style to his own. And also a similar taste in fashion. L could definitely see this little boy being his backup. He was a lot better than the last Watari had chosen. "Backup. Hm…" Now that L had met him and was pleased with him, he decided it was time to move onto something else. "Well, then, let's sit down for some cake. I've got strawberry!"

B was a little taken aback. Was L…the L…inviting him to eat cake?

"Watari, would you get the cake for us?" L then proceeded to sit down on a chair directly in front of a little table. He motioned for B to join him.

B, still a little hesitant, walked towards to table. Before sitting down, he noticed L's sitting posture. "How do you do that?" he asked. He realized it was a stupid question. He'd meant to say why.

"Ah, you mean sit like this?" asked L. "Well, it's actually really simple, and extremely comfortable. And it allows my brain to function 40% more than usual. It's a personal favorite of mine." L smiled still in his strange position. He was sitting on the chair in a crouch with his feet on the edge and his hands on each knee. "Would you like to try?" L offered. "I guarantee it will improve your brain's functioning abilities. And I recommend it if you are to be my backup." L's eyes were expectant.

B, nervously, attempted to sit in the chair opposite L. He fell. His face flushed with embarrassment, he tried again, and this time succeeded. He coughed slightly then said, "So, you like cake?"

L's face immediately lit up, and he practically hopped out of his seat. "Oh, I like most sweets. They're especially yummy and are very good at helping me think. Strawberry and cherry are my favorite. But I also enjoy chocolate and anything sugary."

B was surprised to see L smile so enthusiastically. When he'd first seen L, he had thought L was the silent stoic type, but he now realized that L didn't fit into any stereotypes. "Do you like strawberry jam?" asked B.

L replied, "Oh, yes. Jam is especially good on cream puffs, and I also enjoy putting it on cookies."

B was about to speak again but Watari came in with the cake. L reached for it before Watari could set it down. He grabbed the fork out of Watari's hand and immediately dug in. Watari carefully cut a piece and put it before B.

"Oh, I'm definitely going to be wanting more than that," B said eyeing the regular sized slice of cake.

Watari smiled. "Then I'd better bring another cake."


	2. A

He had met him. He had met L. Beyond was thrilled. Chilled. And planning. Now that he had personally met and seen the person he admired so much, he could see exactly where he needed to go from here. The way to be like L. No, the way to be L.

As Beyond thought this, a chill crept across his shoulder. His eyes moved to the spot on the bed next to him. The spot someone else used to occupy. It hadn't been long since the incident. It was still clearly embedded in his mind. Consuming him. Burning through his mind.

He closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift to the one he let in. The one he shouldn't have ever let in. His biggest mistake.

His name was A. And he was the first in line to become L's successor. In the beginning, he was the only successor. But after a mental breakdown, Watari had sought out another. B was meant to comfort A and to learn with him. The conclusion had been that the stress of being L was too much for one person—other than L himself.

So B was brought in to Wammy House where he met A. But B knew something L and Watari did not. From the moment B saw A, he knew A was going to die soon. B tried to be friendly, tried to be friends. But the thought plagued him. The number above A's head was slowly ticking down. Each day it got nearer and nearer to nothing. He didn't want to get too attached. He didn't want to be friends with A. He didn't want to lose someone so dear.

"A, this is B. He's going to train with you and be your friend."

A looked up timidly through his crystal blue eyes. His wild blonde hair in a disastrous array framing his face. He saw the boy. B. Three years younger. Dark haired. Pale skinned. A much more suited successor for L. A reached forward a shaky hand, his eyes meeting B's.

B, eyes wide in shock, stared at the other boy. In his mind a massive array of thoughts were cascading through. He saw them. Quite Clearly. A didn't have much longer. He could do nothing about it. But he had to be friends with this boy. Or at least pretend. He didn't want to get attached. A few months would be alright. "Hello," said B, holding out his hand to shake A's. "Pleased to meet you, A." Beyond managed a smile.

A hesitated and then returned it warmly.

Time went by, too quickly as B thought. But the two only got closer and closer. Exactly what B had feared.

"L's the best," said A, smiling brightly. He sat in the library with B, taking a break from morning studies. "He knows so much. I want to be like L."

B smiled laughing. "I want to be L," he said. He paused in thought. Even though he hadn't met the man yet, he felt a fond admiration for L. Everything he had heard, everything he'd learned, had something to do with L. He enjoyed all of it. The power of knowledge felt good to his brain. And the thought of such a wonderful being entranced him still.

"You shouldn't say that," said A, freezing like a spooked cat. "A successor doesn't mean you are him. There is only one L. You can't be him." A stared intently into B's eyes, trying to bore down the message. "I should know." A shivered as he remembered the insanity a couple months prior, when Watari had realized it was simply too much for him.

"Then I'll just surpass L. I'll be greater." B smiled wickedly. It was only a joke, but the thought struck him in a strange way. It was an idea he quite liked.

A was about to retort, but Watari entered the room announcing that lunch was to be served.

Throughout the meal, B thought of nothing but L. He really wanted to meet him. To see what he was up against. B shook his head. He shouldn't be thinking those thoughts. But he was. He couldn't help it.

"—and L said he will be coming over next week." B caught the last of Watari's words.

"What?" he asked dropping his fork. It fell on his plate with a clatter.

"I said L will come here later. He wants to meet you." He glanced at A. "And to see how you are doing."

A and B left the dining hall and proceeded back to the library. A was dancing excitedly up and down, anxious for their visitor. B was silent. He was excited. But also very nervous. He was finally going to meet him—L.

A suddenly stopped dancing and stared at B. He jumped up and down trying to make B as excited as he was. B simply stared at the numbers above his head. He had never forgotten them, but somehow now he realized that A's time was really drawing very near. He had almost a week left.

The next morning B and A rose and got ready just as usual, but just as B was about to leave the room, he noticed A was standing there frozen, staring at his feet.

"What is it?" Beyond asked him.

A startled and looked up. "Oh, nothing," he said. He hesitated then began, "I found that knife you have in your bag."

Beyond froze. How had A found it? It was well hidden. Even meticulous Watari had missed it when he checked B's bag.

"What do you use it for?" asked A in a whisper. B could see his face, covered in shadow, ridden with fear. "Do you hurt people? Or…yourself?"

Beyond could see they were stepping in dangerous territory. "I use it for self-defense," he answered.

"Then why was it hidden?" A said quickly, cutting B off. "To my knowledge, weapons for self-defense are often kept close at hand or on one's person." He started intently at B. "What is it used for?" he asked more forcefully.

Beyond knew he couldn't keep lying to A. A would see through it. "I use it to kill people, of course. To draw blood. To experiment." It wasn't the whole truth but he hoped A would believe it.

"Have you ever thought of…killing L." Suddenly A's face went pasty white and he vomited. His eyes were distant and he looked sick. His voice fell to a whisper. "He's coming back. I don't know if I can take it."

"You don't have to meet with him," said B.

"I know that, but you'll meet him, and once you meet him you'll know…you'll know why I feel like this. You'll know why I wanted to hate you so much, and now why you meeting him would rip me to shreds. I can't go through that again. I can't."

B wanted to say some words to reassure A, but he could think of nothing. He had never dealt with something like this before. Slowly B reached out to grab the knife. A pulled it back sharply, the edge of the blade slicing a thin line into B's flesh. B looked down at the blood his eyes wide. He smiled and brought his hand up to his face, licking the blood off. Still wide-eyed, he stared at the horrified A. B laughed. "It's just blood."

…

A week after that, it happened. It was the day before L was supposed to arrive. B had just brushed his teeth and was coming back into the room. His jaw dropped as he say A standing there with _his_ knife in hand. B moved his gaze upwards to gaze at the numbers once more. A single digit.

B ran towards A and tried to grab the knife from A's hand. A fought to stab himself with it. Two seconds. B wrenched so suddenly that A was pulled straight towards him.

And just like that, steel breaking flesh. Drove straight down into his heart. B's eyes wider than ever, terrified. He had killed, but none like this. A's eyes closed just as the number faded away and was gone from B's sight forever.

A fell backwards onto the floor. B fell with him and crouched there frozen…over A's limp body. Blood was spurting out, boiling. B wanted to touch it. To feel A's tender flowing red. His lifeline, now spilling out. It was inevitable. B could do nothing about it. Rather than stop it, or even postpone it, he had caused it to happen in a different way. He knew fate would have had A killing himself. If B hadn't intervened, it still would have happened at the exact second. B couldn't change the time. Those numbers were infallible. Unchangeable. Unbroken.

B felt every vain in his body pulsing. He was pure white. Like a ghost. His eyes wide and burning. Slowly he was able to lift his finger. He brought it nearer and nearer to A. Slowly, he extracted the knife. The flowing blood splurted into his face, like red splattered paint across an empty canvas. He tasted it. Salt. Like acid. But ever so sweet. He was covered in the stuff. Drenched in blood.

B lay down beside A as if to sleep. He caressed him in his arms and slept beside him on the hard floor, against the stone cold sack of his friend, now gone from him forever. He didn't even notice the tears rolling from the corners of his eyes. Rolling, as he cried himself to sleep.


End file.
